November 28, 1999
I am now 17. I was 16. It would have been a healthy 2 month old, tonight, if I made the decision that wouldn't have broke our hearts.
It all began when I met my boyfriend, Elias. When we started having sex, it seemed so innocent. We almost didn't know what we were really doing. Little did we know the consequences.
The second time, I got pregnant. We were drunk and didn't use protection. It was New Year’s Eve.
It was a Friday when I found out. Even before I took the test, I knew. It was like intuition. I kept on telling him, I think I’m pregnant. He said to take a test, so I did. I was at a friend’s house and she approached her mother about it because there was no way I was ready to approach my parents at the time.
Her mom went to the store and bought the test for me because I would be too embarrassed to buy it myself. Her mom has disliked me ever since this incident. I went ahead and took the test. I didn't want to look, so my friend did. It was positive. I cried hysterically, and couldn't move, as my friend tried to comfort me.
I then called my boyfriend and immediately told him the news. He didn't say anything. I then discussed with him the plans for the night and went according to them so I wouldn't ruin my friend’s night. We met up down town and talked. My friend told me I should get the abortion, no question.
Elias, at first said he wanted to keep it, and I wanted to keep it. My friend thought we were crazy. My boyfriend and I went back and forth on the abortion thing. "Our" final decision was to keep it. I was scared, confused, and very vulnerable. Being pregnant at 16 was like living in another world. Whenever my boyfriend brought up getting an abortion, I would start a rampage. I said, I couldn't do it! He said he wanted it, but I don't ever think he did until now.
Unfortunately one night his parents decided to listen to our conversation (like they always do, still) and found out the news. The next day, at school, he approached me in the morning and said, "my parents know." He had this strange smirk of confusion on his face. He usually does this when he's frustrated or confused.
We never thought his parents would coerce us to do it, but they did. His father is a Lutheran pastor, his mother a nurse. I couldn't believe how they were acting. They yelled like children about it.
Elias then called me up that night, and frantically called me, and he was crying and could barely speak. He said, I think we should get an abortion. I screamed, "no!" and hung up. He told me, "my mom and dad are screaming at me and telling me it's for the best." I could hear them in the background. They were screaming at him, saying, "it would be a poor loser!"… "you have no money"… it would be a "pathetic" this, and "pathetic" that.
They made us get off the phone to think, alone, for a night, which was stupid and selfish of them. It was a huge decision, and they were treating it like he failed a test at school or smoked some weed or something.
I was afraid to tell my parents.
After his parents talked us both into it, I went ahead and made an appointment. Right about that time was when I was getting very sick. I could barely move. I was 8 weeks along. His parents showed no compassion or concern. They hated us. I wish I would have told my parents.
The day they picked us up was a Friday morning. They called me and him out of school. I couldn't talk. I couldn't eat. I couldn't think. In the car his dad was screaming at us cause we couldn't find the clinic. We finally did.
After a four hour wait, it was over with. As I walked out of the recovery room. Elias was scrunched up in a ball crying and sobbing hysterically. I reached for him then we walked outside to wait for his dad. He was crying. I wasn't. I was in shock. I felt a cold feeling. Like my mind was forcing itself not to break down.
His parents never spoke a word about it. They didn't care. They don't care. I hate them more than anything. I did it for Elias, not for me. I love him. I also hate him. He hates himself. Whenever I bring it up he cries.
Later, about four months after, I told my parents from guilt. I felt they deserved to know. They were heart broken. They're Mormon and don't believe in abortion. They then threatened a law suit against his parents for coercion. They hired a lawyer. but it failed.
I feel hate for them, but I love Elias. After that we're still together, and I’m proud of that. We're planning on getting married. We spend most our time together. People wonder why we’re so close. My parents refuse to plan a wedding with his family. That’s hard, but love can avoid that and stay together.
I regret it. I feel like a loser. We both don't feel like we should live. I want children and I feel abortion is wrong. I took away a beautiful life. Sometimes I wish I could hear it cry, and hold it, or maybe I should have adopted it.
I don't believe in god, but I believe in respect for life. Abortion is a disrespect for life. No one cares for it truly but me, my parents, and Elias. Sometimes I feel they forget and Elias forgets. But I’ll never forget. I’ll never feel the same.
