January 19, 1974 represents the most devastating day of my life. I had an abortion that day. I was told it was no big deal — you go in, get it over with and get on with your life. I was told it wasn't a baby, it was "cartilage like your ear lobe." I was told abortion was my best and smartest decision and the impression given was that I'd be a fool to do otherwise. At eighteen and still believing the world revolved around me, I believed them because it was what I wanted to hear.
But… I wasn't told about the pain. I wasn't told about the horrendous deep-felt sorrow. I wasn't told about the depression and suicidal thoughts. I wasn't told about the flashbacks and extreme anger. I wasn't told that it would hurt my chances of having future children. I wasn't told that I would regret the decision till the day I die and my heart and arms would ache for the child I destroyed.
After it was over and I was leaving the clinic, I vividly remember thinking, "I am not the same person I was when I came in here." For sixteen years, I was a mess, never knowing the root of my problems was the abortion and post-abortion syndrome. God reached through and literally spoke to my heart about my need to grieve for that child. But how do you do that? Especially when you've been trying to hold that "beach ball" under water for all those years?
I was led to a crisis pregnancy center and found out about a Bible Study offered for post-aborted women. Through this 12-week class, I learned how to face and deal with my denial, regret, anger, depression, and to grieve for my child. I learned that God loves me and forgave me when I was truly repentant for what I had done. God has now given me the privilege of being the director of the ARISE (abortion recovery program) at that crisis pregnancy center.
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