March 23, 2002
I had an abortion a few months ago. If I could go and do it all over again, I would change everything.
Here goes:
Me and my boyfriend would have unprotected sex.
To make a long story short, I found out I was 5 weeks pregnant in August, 2001.
I didn't have any symptoms of pregnancy. Something kept telling me to take a pregnancy test, so one day I did, not thinking I would be pregnant. I wasn't concerned until I found out the pregnancy test was positive.
I told my boyfriend (who I thought would want me to have an abortion, since he wasn't working, dropped out of school, and was staying with one of his family members). He wanted to keep the baby. I was happy in one way, and scared on the other part.
I still had to tell my parents. I was still in high school (a junior), and I didn't have a job, either.
As I expected, my parents were angry. They didn't talk to me for 2 weeks. They made me feel like I had committed a serious crime by becoming pregnant, and said if I kept the baby then I'd mess up my whole life.
They didn't dare leave out me being irresponsible, and that me and my boyfriend were not able to take care of a child right now.
After I started thinking about the situation I was in, I started to see their point.
My boyfriend was a gangbanger, with no education or job, and I knew if I kept the baby I'd probably have to drop out of school. If I did that then I wouldn't be able to get a good job to support us.
I knew my baby's father wanted the baby. He was good to me, so I knew he'd make it better one way or the other, but I wanted the easy way out.
I woke up that Friday morning around 7:00.
My mother took me to the abortion clinic, and it was done.
It's too painful to recall what happened on that tragic morning.
I just kept thinking "How could I do this? I want my baby back", but it was too late.
I too went through the cramps, bleeding, and the consequences of what I did.
A few weeks later, I told my boyfriend that I had had a miscarriage.
I felt so bad I became pregnant again by my baby's father. As of today, I'm 6 weeks pregnant.
If I would've kept my first baby, I would be 6 months pregnant by this time.
I'll keep my child no matter what.
I still have nightmares of a bloody baby saying, "Why did you kill me?" Then I wake up.
To all the women out there, don't let nobody talk you into doing something you don't want to do.
