September 24, 2002
I was a single parent of two children, and already feeling overwhelmed with responsibility. I knew that I could not support another child emotionally or physically.
I had made the choice to check into an abortion. I checked local yellow pages for numbers and came across one for Abortion Access at Northwest Women's Center in Columbus, Ohio.
I went in for an initial visit because, in Ohio, there is a state law that you must give pamphlets and at
least 24 hours for the patient to think about the procedure.
I came back for the precedure a few days later.
At first I felt "OK" with being there. I felt I was doing the right thing.
There were a few other girls in there for the same thing.
I kept repeating to myself it would all be over in a few minutes.
I sat there for about two hours, and the other girls had gone before me. I was then taken into a small room to have some routine things done such as vital checks.
Then I was moved to a second waiting room with the other girls ahead of me.
One by one they were lead of to the procedure rooms. Then, it was my name being called.
I walked nervously to the nurse who said that she would be with me through the procedure.
I followed her to the room. I sat on the bed as she talked to me to get me to relax. I was
shaking and felt very ill.
I realized at that point I did not want to go ahead with the procedure. Still I felt I was at the point of no return.
I laid down on the bed as the doctor walked in and introduced himself.
I began to shake uncontrollably as he placed my legs into the stirrups. As soon as he began to inject my cervix with the local I began to cry out "My baby, my baby" over and over. Again the nurse told me to relax.
As soon as the doctor touched my vagina again I started to squirm. I knew that I was doing something wrong and I just wanted to get out.
I started screaming at the top of my lungs and kicking my legs. The doctor grabbed ahold of my legs and the nurse put her hand over my mouth and pressed my head sideways into the bed. She repeated to me again and again "Stop screaming or you'll scare off the other girls."
I could not take it. I just kept screaming, and the next thing I knew the procedure was over, and I had been robbed of my child.
I have never recovered from this and I am currently on a large dose of medication to prevent panic attacks.
I think about the baby everyday of my life. I am living with the guilt of killing a precious child to this very day.
To all women who are considering abortions: please think it over before you react no matter what the
circumstances are. I do not want this to happen to anyone else.
