October 07, 2002
I am 15, and was on the pill.
I got sick with a really nasty flu, and went to the doctors (as you do), and they put me on antibiotics. She only asked me if I was on the pill, she didn't warn me that it causes the pill to be ineffective.
I knew about the 7 day rule, but was under the impression from my GP [family doctor] that it was only if you MISSED a pill, not if you were on antibiotics or vomiting, etc..
A couple of months went by, and I hadn't got my period, so I went to the school sexual health nurse and did a test, it came up postitive. As soon as I saw those 2 lines, I just cried and cried. I had my friend, Tara, with me, and she just hugged me. I kept thinking, "what am I going to tell my parents, my boyfriend's parents?" I straight away knew I couldn't, so I didn't.
I wasnt even going to tell my boyfriend, I was so scared that he'd leave me. But he got suspect about why I was going to Tokoroa, so I ended up bursting into tears and telling him. He just grabbed me, and hugged me so tight.
When I went to get it done, lying on the operating table, waiting for the doctor to come and take my child out of me, I couldnt handle it. I just freaked out. They gave me the drugs to relax me, but I still was freaking out.
It's been 3 months, and I still wake up with nightmares and wake up crying thinking that I could have had a baby. It just totally destroys me mentally.
Last night, I cried myself to sleep. I couldn't even hug up to my boyfriend because I'm scared that he's getting sick of all these tears and he gets angry because he hates to see me cry.
One of my close friends, Kim (who has a 6 month old baby, and she's 19), won't talk to me any more because she thinks im a baby killer.
It was THE MOST hard, saddening choice I have ever had to make, and I hope I never have to make it again.
Next time I see the two lines, I know I'm going to keep it and be a good mum.
If any one can suggest anything for me to help me get over the dreams and the pain, please email me I'm on the verge of going over the edge with this…
* Not her real name
