February 01, 2003
June 1999:
I was 18 years old when I had my abortion. I was 8 weeks along. I was engaged to be married to a wonderful guy. But, I was diagnosed with manic-depression, and had been taking psychiatric medications when I found out I was pregant.
I was told that my medications could harm the baby and possibly give him or her birth defects.
My baby already had a chance of getting a mental illness from me in it's genes, therefore I did not want to make it's life any worse. So, I chose to have an abortion.
At the time, I thought I was doing the right thing for my baby.
Now, I'm 22 yrs old and, if I had given birth to my baby, it would have been 3 years old by now because of it's due date.
I've recently starting to regret my decision I made back then. I wish I could take back the abortion and keep my baby. I could have been a mother. I think about my unborn child all the time. I feel an extreme amount of sadness, guilt, and shame for killing my baby. I feel that a part of me is missing now.
My husband says he feels I did the right thing considering my health at the time and the effects my medications could have had on the developing baby inside of me back then.
But still I wonder, "what if?" How does a mother forgive herself?
