July 23, 2003
I had just broken up with my boyfriend of only 4 months. I knew I loved him and he loved me, too. We just needed a break. We knew that we were meant to be.
While going to visit him on weekends, I always seemed to be feeling unwell, and tired, which wasn't normal for me. I was a 21yr old girl who loved to have a good time.
I went to the doctor to see what was wrong. He then rang and asked me to come into the clinic. So I went in and was told I was pregnant. Well, I nearly died. I couldn't believe it. I had no signs.
I thought I would do the right thing and tell my ex seeing it was his baby, too.
Well, he didn't want to know about it, and just told me he is too young, and to get rid of it.
I was in tears. He hurt me so much. How could he understand it was in my body?
I thought and thought about it for days, still talking to my other half. He turned around and said if I didn't get rid of it, I could forget about him. That broke my heart. I loved him so much.
So what decision did I have? I went and had the baby terminated.
He didn't even come with me. I went alone. Not once has he called me, since, and it has been a month.
I hate him for making me do that. I would have been the best mum. He still doesn't want to know, and having him not support me like he said he would, I have became numb.
I drink alcohol all the time, and just get blind. I have nightmares, and just cry myself to sleep. I feel so alone, and scared. How could he do this to me? He was supposed to love me. What a lie that is.
I still get cramping sensations sometimes, and it hurts so much. Everything hurts. I have tried to get past it, but the dreams and thoughts…
I just don't want to deal with it anymore. It hurts so much, and he couldn't even care what I went through for him, because I loved him. That doesn't matter to him.
I want it all to stop!
