September 02, 2003
About 25 years ago, the unthinkable happened to me... a forced abortion to one who was dead-set against abortion.
I dated a man, for about 2 months, whom I had doubts about. I told him that our values and goals were far too different, and that we should break up. He fell to the ground, shaking and gasping uncontrollably, almost like a seizure. I felt sorry for him, and continued to date him for a month.
In that next month, I became pregnant, against all odds. As I was against pre-marital sex, we had only begun to "fool around." I was also on the birth control pill, as my high school biology teacher had warned us of "pregnant virgins."
In the meantime, I suffered a concussion, and was x-rayed, uncovered, unleaded, with multiple exposures, in addition to an uncovered CAT scan. I was advised by the doctor to have a "therapeutic abortion" due to massive x-ray exposure, which had harmed the fetus.
I was against abortion.
The boyfriend, who had already evidenced his instability when he fell to the ground trembling, now became more unstable and abusive, threatening to kill the baby and me if I had it. I told him I would leave the state. He said he had ways to find us, and would track us down. I tried desperately to find a home for unwed mothers.
Meanwhile, the boyfriend scheduled an abortion at a clinic. I told the clinic I did not want the abortion.
The clinic counselor told me the baby was not a baby, and that it was the size of my fingernail. I told her I had studied biology, and that my fetus was several inches long. She gave me no support, and had no clue.
Anyone with a computer or internet access now can view the size of a 4.5-month-old fetus. It is, indeed, inches long, and can often survive outside the womb at 20 weeks.
The clinic also told me that I was 14 weeks pregnant, not almost 20. They incorrectly told me that my 2-day spotting in my second month was a period. It was not. It was breakthrough bleeding, as I had continued the birth control pill. And it was the week I didn't take the pill. Therefore, I spotted.
I was nearly 20 weeks pregnant, and the baby was moving inside me, turning. The uninformed clinic counselor told me my baby was not turning. To this day, I know that my baby was turning, as this is a common event at 20 weeks.
I searched for help. This was before the internet. I found nothing. I even went to a Catholic church, to find someone to take me in, but all the doors were locked. Not even the rectory was open.
I locked myself in the bathroom, at home, refusing to get the abortion. The boyfriend took the door down, from the outside, unscrewing it bit by bit, until he took it off the hinges. He was taking me to the abortion clinic whether I wanted to go, or not.
I had nowhere to go, no one to turn to. I considered the damaged fetus being unadoptable. (I had wanted to give the baby up for adoption.)
The women, at the clinic undergoing abortions, were so nonchalant. Abortion seemed like a method of birth control to them. They laughed at me because I was crying. I thought of ways to escape out the back door, but my boyfriend had threatened to hunt us both down and kill us.
I had the abortion, and woke up laughing hysterically, as, yes, I was hysterical. The nurse slapped my face.
When the boyfriend-murderer got me home, he said, and I quote, "Now you know what it feels like to be hurt." Then he laughed — what I would call a blood-chilling, evil laugh. Like that is funny, to kill someone's baby? How ignorant. How cruel. How mentally ill.
I almost died from septic poisoning from the abortion.
I left the boyfriend.
Over the years, I had numerous surgeries, blocked tubes, etc. I never had children, as I was rendered infertile for years. When I finally got pregnant with a wonderful, loving husband, I was too old, and miscarried the little one.
My advice for anyone with a forced abortion is: Do not give up. Go to the police, if necessary.
If I were to do this over, I would go to a police station for protection. And you know what? Leave the state.
The more I think about it, the more I realize that he was just intimidating me. He probably would never have found me had I gone to a home for unwed mothers out of state.
Above all, forced abortion, and threats of murder to both mother and child, are all illegal in the United States.
Remember this. I still cry myself to sleep some nights. The pain does not go away with the passage of time. It only is latent, deadened.
