September 07, 2003
I had my abortion 5 months ago. I was then 19, and living in and apartment with 2 friends.
My family had no real part in my life, at the time, and my boyfriend and I had recently broken up because I couldn't take the physical and emotional abuse from him anymore.
He was living about 400 miles away from me when I found out I was pregnant with his baby.
The second I discovered I was pregnant, I promised myself that I would have this baby. I had absolutely no doubt, in my mind, that I would have it. I had no car, or job, at that time, but worked to get Medicaid, and even made an appointment with a doctor.
A week after I found out, I finally got the courage to tell the father. Of course he wanted me to have an abortion. I told him that I was not going to have one. I even told him that he didn't have to help me, but I was having the baby with, or without, him. And finally he agreed to go along with it.
I knew he still wanted me to have the abortion, but I didn't know how bad until he started harassing me, daily, with phone calls and threats [of what] would happen to me, if I had this baby.
I was so weak, and emotional, at the time, that it really started to scare me. But it wasn't until he decided to call my mother's cell phone (who, at the time, did not know I was pregnant), and take it upon himself to tell her, and try to convince her that I should have an abortion.
The whole time I had no support. Even my pro-life friends were telling me it would be best to "get rid of the baby," as if it's that simple.
When my mother told me she would pay for the abortion. I felt like it was unavoidable. In my scared and confused head, it seemed as if I had no choice. And although I still didn't want to, I went through with the abortion.
March 30 was the worst day of my life. It was the beginning of a living hell.
I now look at my life as before and after the abortion. I will never be the same, my heart will always be broken, and I will never stop blaming myself for what I've done to my baby.
Abortion only makes things worse. It's only good for the abortion clinics, who are "making a killing" off of weak and confused girls, out there, with no one to help them make a good decision.
* Not her real name
