September 07, 2003
The year was 1995 when I had my first and last abortion.
I was 19 and I already had 2 kids — a daughter who was 2-going-on-3, and a son who was only 1.
At that time, I didn't know what to do. My boyfriend, who I am with today, said to me that he didn't want to have another baby, to get rid of it right away.
At that time, if he had told me to jump of a cliff for him, I would have, because he meant everything to me.
So, without any thought, I went ahead with it.
The day I had the abortion was like my life ended.
I was so depressed, and angry, that I took my depression out on alcohol. Everytime I drank, I would blame it on my boyfriend, and that would make him feel guilty all the time.
But, in time, I got over it.
I never even told my parents about it, because I was too ashamed, but they eventually found out and supported me all the way.
Today, if you asked me if I believe in abortions, I would say, “No f---ing way. I would never kill my baby ever again.”
Today, I still think about what I had done.
Today, I am 5 and a half months pregnant with my third child. I am due on December 20, 5 days before Christmas. What a wonderful gift he or she would be if it was born on Christmas day, don't you think?
Having this baby is a constant reminder of what I had destroyed, but when you are pressured into something you don't want to do, it can be painful.
All I would like to say to all the women that have been suffering is, “You are not alone.”
* Not her real name
