September 15, 2003
I had been dating my now-husband, Paul, for 2 years when I had missed my period. I wasn't too concerned, at first, because, being on the Pill, my period was sometimes late or early.
My doctor had told me that taking the Pill a few hours difference each day wouldn't make a difference, because my schedule was always different. Well, she was wrong… and here's my story:
I decided, after a week, to take a pregnancy test, and to my surprise it was positive. I really didn't believe it, at first, because I didn't think it could happen to me. So, I took 6 home pregnancy tests, and all came up positive.
Well, I told my fiancé at the time that I was pregnant and we cried and talked for hours about what we were going to do.
I was confused, I had my wedding set for 4 months from then, we wanted to wait to have children, and we just didn't know what to do.
We went online, and researched some abortion clinics, and some post abortion stories. We also looked at the expense of a child, and the point we were at in our lives, and mutually agreed to have an abortion.
Right up until the point that I went into the room, my husband was asking if I was sure, and that's when I started having second thoughts.
It was so casual in there, women talking about how many [abortions] they have had, and its like a production line, one comes out, one goes in.
The staff was very unfriendly, and didn't show any sympathy. They treated you like you were stupid for getting pregnant.
Well, they called my name, and I went in for a pregnancy test, just to confirm that it was positive, and they told me to go out and wait again.
At that point, I should have walked right out but I didn't.
They called my name, and I went into the procedure room, got undressed, and this very unprofessional, very rude nurse put my legs in the stirrups, and was saying I should have used protection.
I was stating my second thoughts to her when the doctor came in. He didn't even introduce himself, and told me to relax. Yeah, like at that point I wanted to relax.
I started saying that I wasn't sure about it, and they covered my face with an oxygen mask, and were saying it will all be over in a minute, literally.
Next thing I know, I woke up and looked down at the end of the table, and saw this blood filled bucket with clumps of tissue which was my baby.
I felt awful. They didn't say anything to me. I was crying and holding my stomach, and wanted to take everything back. I wouldn't be able to, though.
For a couple days, I was bleeding, and I kept thinking that it was the stuff they didn't get out, pieces of my baby still coming out. I had some cramps, and felt depressed.
It has only been 7 months since my abortion, and I would have had my baby last month. There is not one day that goes by that I don't regret what I did. I will never know whether I would have a boy or girl, and when I do get pregnant again, I will always think that it won't be my first.
It's very hard because, even though my husband is supportive, he can't really understand the emotions, so he doesn't know what to say.
I also think about when I do try for a baby, whether I will be able to conceive or if I will have infertility problems from the abortion. Because I was knocked out, who knows what really happened and how careful they were with the abortion?
The reason that I'm sharing my story is that if I can reach one girl who is thinking about having an abortion, and let her know that there is always help, family will be supportive in the end, there are plenty of young, single mothers and while it may not be easy there is always help.
Please, Please think about it carefully so that you don't have any regrets like my husband and I do, everyday.
If you are thinking about having an abortion, talk to someone, consider all of your options first, and don't do it unless you are 110% sure.
Please also be prepared to face protestors at some of the abortion clinics, which was something I didn't think about before-hand, either.
Please take care and get the help you need to make the right decision for you and your baby.
Thinking about you all.
* Not her real name
