September 27, 2003
When I was 17 years old, I became pregnant.
I remember calling my mother at her place of work, and finding out (she brought my urine sample to her physician she worked for). She told me to come straight home from school, and we would talk. I didn't listen to her.
Instead, I ran to my boyfriend's house and told him the news. I think I was hoping he would say, "It's okay Susan, we'll work it out." But instead he was angry, and said, "What are you going to do?"
I said I didn't know, and he then said I had to get an abortion, that there was no way we were ready to have a baby.
I remember going to the bathroom and crying. He came in, acting so loving, caring, and concerned. We held each other for a long time, then I remember thinking I had to get an abortion, what was I thinking I could have this baby?
I was smoking pot, drinking, and taking speed! Whenever I could party, I did. Of course, the baby would probably be deformed, or mentally retarded. I know now these are things I told myself to make it "easier".
After the abortion, I was in a lot of pain, both physically, and emotionally.
My mother was there for me, but I knew she didn't approve, either. However, she was (and still is) a firm believer in the right to choose. I only wish she would have taken me aside, and educated me on what I was really doing.
I didn't fully understand the full impact of it until 3 years later, when I became pregnant again, and chose life. It was with the same man, who tried to talk me out of it... but I knew I could do it without him, if necessary.
I am 40 years old now, and every year my niece (who was born a few months after I would have had that baby) has a birthday, I mourn. I know I would have had a child her age.
I now find myself with a daughter, who at 17 years of age, is pregnant. Luckily her step-dad, her boyfriend and everyone else in our immediate family is very supportive of her decision to keep the baby.
I like to think that her decision was based on her knowing what I did, how much pain it has caused, and how much I have regretted it.
