April 30, 2004
I had lost two children through other people's jealousy, and I am in the process of getting them back.
I fell in love with someone, and got pregnant. He made me have an abortion because he was thinking of his last partner.
I am now 8 months pregnant to the same person, who decides he loves me, now. But, the baby I am carrying is unwanted by myself.
I wanted the last one, I did not want the abortion, he made me have it.
I feel as though I have been put off having children. Now, I am about to have another baby in 4 weeks, and I do not know what to do.
I keep thinking of the abortion, and how I did not want to have it done.
I have lost all maternal feelings, feelings for my partner, but we are still together.
I keep thinking of my ex-partner now, who I had my last son to. I miss his love, and comfort, as he did not make me have an abortion.
My current partner has made two other women have abortions, he always joked and laughed about them as though it was a joke.
Now, I have lost a lot of feelings for him, and I am having his baby in 4 weeks, which this time I do not want.
I tell him this every day to make him feel the pain that he has put me through.
